Obama Speaks!

I see dead people.

“On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes – and I see many of them in the audience here today – our sense of patriotism is particularly strong.”


On a related note, be very afraid, Christian Brossard.

"One such translator was an American of Haitian descent, representative of the extraordinary work that our men and women in uniform do all around the world -- Navy Corpse-Man Christian Brossard."


Make sure those kids aren’t just faking asthma to cover up their drinking.

“Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma. They end up taking up a hospital bed. It costs when, if you, they just gave, you gave, treatment early, and they got some treatment, and uhhh a breathalyzer, or uhh, an inhalator, not a breathalyzer...”


I felt like an effing retard.

"No, no. I have been practicing...I bowled a 129. It's like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something."


I’m pretty sure it’s called givenundtaken in Sudetenese.

“'It was also interesting to see that political interaction in Europe is not that different from the United States Senate. There’s a lot of -- I don’t know what the term is in Austrian -- wheeling and dealing, and people are pursuing their interests, and everybody has their own particular issues and their own particular politics..."


And expose the Republican War On Women, babe.

"Hold on one second, sweetie, we're going to do - we'll do a press avail."


Now if we could just move Detroit to a different location…

''The Middle East is obviously an issue that has plagued the region for centuries.''


My powers of persuasion are astounding.

"The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system."

"UPS and FedEx are doing just fine, right? It's the Post Office that's always having problems."


“Have no friends not equal to yourself”. – Confucius

"Let me be absolutely clear. Israel is a strong friend of Israel's...”


You should’ve seen her trying to dance at my wedding.

"The point I was making was not that Grandmother harbors any racial animosity. She doesn't. But she is a typical white person…”


Not only are we going to New Hampshire ... we're going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and we're going to California and Texas and New York! And we're going to South Dakota and New Hampshire and Oregon and Texas and Washington and Michigan and Arizona and South Carolina! And New Hampshire and Oregon and New Mexico! And…and…Texas! And then we're going to Washington, D.C. to take back the White House, Yeeeeeaaaaaargh!

"It is just wonderful to be back in Oregon. And over the last 15 months we've traveled to every corner of the United States. I've now been in 57 states; I think one left to go."


We are deeply indebted to those brave soldiers who stormed the beaches at Normandy and saved us from a steady diet of kielbasa and pierogies.

“Before one trip across enemy lines, resistance fighters told him that Jews were being murdered on a massive scale, and smuggled him into the Warsaw Ghetto and a Polish death camp to see for himself.”


Two would be just about right.

“When four Americans are killed, it’s not optimal.”


Where do those birthers get their cockamamie ideas anyway?

"When I meet with world leaders, what's striking -- whether it's in Europe or here in Asia..." (Obama in Hawaii)


Maldives, Malvinas, Malapropism, whatever.

“And in terms of the Maldives or the Falklands, whatever your preferred term, our position on this is that we are going to remain neutral.”

After Obama said this the UK Daily Telegraph reported that “Barack Obama made a gaffe more associated with predecessor George W Bush".

Really? I’ll give a gold star to anyone who can cite an example of Bush misnaming a geographic entity.